UPDATE: Realtor Johnice Katz wrote us to confirm that the square footage is in fact 977 square feet, despite what public records say.
We've all been there on that awkward Plenty of Fish date where the person we've agreed to meet looks less like their profile picture and more like your great aunt. 1029 Esplanade, Unit #9 may not be going that far in deception but its listed 979 square feet sure doesn't match the city's numbers. Orleans Parish lists the Los Islenos condo at — ahem — only 673 square feet.
Aside from the square footage discrepancy, (deal breaker?) this Los Islenos condo really does have a lot to offer, including secured parking, a banging sound system, and most importantly, a pool. The one bedroom, one and a half bath space lists for an even $400,000, which is either really awesome or mediocre depending on its actual size. The Los Islenos Condominium Association is the brainchild of Post-K garbage magnate and venture capitalist Sidney Torres, IV, who recently had some neighborly issues with neighborhood bar Buffa's. Buffa's saw Torres as a regular while Torres apparently saw Buffa's as way too loud. They've since made amends in the form of a 60 day arrangement that would limit Buffa's live music offerings. Realty — it's just like dating.