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Ranking Every Super Bowl and Halftime Show Held in NOLA

Look, we know you're not going to watch the Super Bowl. The Seattle Seahawks have been dead to Saints fans (and therefore New Orleans) since they beat them in a wildcard game in 2010, becoming the first team to make the playoffs with a losing record. And, um, nobody likes the Patriots, right? To bring about happier memories before you pop in that tape of the greatest Super Bowl this city has ever known — Super Bowl XLIV — read up on the greatest Super Bowls this city has ever hosted. After the jump, we've ranked all ten games and halftime shows set in the Big Easy.

10) Super Bowl XXIV (1990) — Oh, you wanted a competitive game? I guess Joe Montana didn't get the memo. Joe Cool trumped the Denver Broncos in the biggest beating in the game's history, leading the 49ers to an easy 55-10 victory. Perhaps the most memorable thing about the 24th Super Bowl (unless you're a 49ers fan) was its bright and beautiful halftime show featuring a vibrant riverboat and anchored by a performance from Mr New Orleans himself, Pete Fountain.

9) Super Bowl XX (1986) — Defense wins games and the Chicago Bears proved it with their dominating 46 defense holding the New England Patriots to just 10 points. Another uneven snoozefest, as the Bears went on to score 46 points; 31 of them in just two quarters. This was the final year of Up With People trying to stick it to the counter-culture movement during halftime; a group about as savvy as every South Park youth outreach group ever created.

8) Super Bowl IV (1970) — The first Super Bowl held in New Orleans really wasn't that bad but it wasn't all that good either. Save for getting to hear Kansas City Chiefs coach Hank Stram yell into a mic during the game for the first time ever, (thanks, NFL films!) the biggest highlight was probably Carol Channing and her salute to the city — well, Mardi Gras. Chiefs won 23-7. I guess the Vikings played?

7) Super Bowl XII (1978) This was the second Cowboys-won Super Bowl to be held in New Orleans, which means nobody in New Orleans actually cared about it. Cowboys beat the Broncos 27-10 thanks to their Doomsday defense. This was the first prime-time televised Super Bowl, yet the entertainment was as campy as a high school homecoming game. Some dancers and a marching band did their thing and that was that.

6) Super Bowl IX (1975) — What happens when two powerhouse defenses clash together? Not a whole lot. The Steelers beat the Vikings 16-6 and audiences in the Superdome and around the world essentially saw four quarters of glorified shoving. The halftime show? A tribute to Duke Ellington led by his son, Mercer.

5) Super Bowl XV (1981) Another Mardi Gras / New Orleans-themed halftime show. While Mardi Gras is great, New Orleans has far more cultural exports and has crafted far greater halftime shows — see: Pete Fountain. C'mon, Pete. We know you're out there. If the big game comes back by 2019 and you're still playing, do us a solid maybe? Oh, and the Raiders won, which pretty much never happens. Quarterback and Super Bowl MVP Jim Plunkett most certainly got his groove back with the silver and black.

4) Super Bowl VI (1972) — We want to rank this game higher. We really do. But the game itself was boring and blacked out for New Orleans residents. The NFL, realizing their errors, did away with that policy next year but they cost New Orleanians the chance to see an amazing halftime show featuring jazz great Ella Fitzgerald. To quote the vast sports commentators out there, "c'mon man!"

3) Super Bowl XXXI (1997) — The kitschiest Super Bowl to be held in New Orleans also happened to offer one of the most exciting games. If you can get over the fact that the SNL sketch turned actual band the Blues Brothers acted as band leaders, you were rewarded with ZZ Top and James Brown. In an outcome we probably would've liked to see this Super Bowl, the Green Bay Packers bested the Patriots 35-21, cementing Brett Favre as perhaps the only quarterback to rival Joe Montana. His 81 yard touchdown pass in the second quarter was the fatal blow to the Patriots, who simply never could recover.

2) Super Bowl XXXVI (2002) Way back in 2002, the Patriots won their first Super Bowl as a team led by current Quarterback and the face of Deflategate, Tom Brady. It wasn't so much that the Patriots obliterated the Rams but that they knew how to capitalize off St Louis' blunders. 2002 was also one of the many years that the world didn't hate U2, who performed a moving, patriotic halftime show that honored the victims of September 11th.

1) Super Bowl XLVII (2013) Tell me how many times (Saints Super Bowl aka greatest Super Bowl, aside) you've been on the edge of your seat not knowing who would win or what would happen during a Super Bowl? The most recent Super Bowl moment was just two years ago during an epic battle that pitted the San Francisco "never lost a Super Bowl until that game" 49ers against the Baltimore Ravens. The power went out. The 9ers mounted a comeback that took them oh-so-close. Beyonce united Destiny's Child. Need we say more?